This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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