yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The best revenge is premature balding
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
