so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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