He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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