I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
