Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
