Im at strip club and am horny
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
