The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
