i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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