I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
