so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
