New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
