I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
