Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize