I wish I only lived at night.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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