You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
