Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize