Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
