i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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