Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
