I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
