i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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