That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
