The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
