so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
