make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
