He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
