Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
