i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
this just has baby written all over it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
