I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
