Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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