Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
