When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she told me i tasted like america
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
