HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
