Ambien. No doubt about it.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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