That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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