four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
