I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
