I just made out with a guy for $7.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize