I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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