Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
