I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
