i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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