There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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