he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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