Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize