I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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