they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize