??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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