Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
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