You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
