sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
