I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize