do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
