Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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