and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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