I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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