he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
