One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
