wrigley field is MILF paradise
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
PANTIES FOUND
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