Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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