could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
