maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
