the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
