you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
