Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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