Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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