I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
