nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
