I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
