omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this just has baby written all over it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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