Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
