i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
