I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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