How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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