I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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