Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
