I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
my poor anus
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
