I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
