There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
