I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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