im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
