So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
